I Really Left Her Hanging
by FCmania
Summary: Anon has a full reaction to what he sees when he gently opens that door, having to live throughout the week without his best friend.
1. Stage 1: Denial

I gently open the door.

"Sayori?"

What I saw was beyond my emotional comprehension. Sayori was hanging from the ceiling with a noose around her neck.

"What the hell?"

Her skin was pale and her face stared lifelessly with half open eyes.

"What the hell?!"

I feel my abdomen tense up and my throat go numb as I gag once; twice; thrice. I tried to cover my mouth with my hand, resisting the urge to vomit, but I could not help it. Though as little the amount it was, I felt the puke escape from my mouth and leak through my fingers. I continued to gag cough at the taste of it.

I began to sob, nothing in my body feeling stable as I fell onto my knees and stared at the ground. I was light-headed, my nose stuffy, yet running, eyes and cheeks riddled with tears.  
Why? Why of all times did she do this?

Looking back up at Sayori's corpse only made the sobbing worse, but I had to calm down. She did not deserve to see me like this, even in her deceased presence. I shakily stood up and repositioned the knocked-over chair next to her. Standing on top of it, I loosened the rope around her neck with one hand, the other supporting her body.

As the noose came undone, Sayori leaned towards me, causing us to fall backwards onto the floor. With a loud thud, I laid there quietly, still holding Sayori's corpse. Having her head resting on my left shoulder and my arms around her torso like this reminded me of the other night after she confessed to me.

I started to cry again, my arms wrapping and gripping tighter as I thought of why she would hang herself. Was it my fault? Was Sayori so determined to prove that she didn't want to burden others? Because this doesn't help in the slightest. She should have known that there are people like me who care about her deeply. Just last week I was always there to help while I was at the literature club. I told her myself, I would always be there for her, but not this time.

Hugging her dead body would obviously not help me cope. I slightly calmed down again, rolling over carcass onto her back, next to me on the floor, crossing my arms so that I wouldn't touch her.

With her this close to me, I started to remember the days of the past, before I even joined the literature club. I remember being dared by my male friends from childhood. They said something along the lines of, "Go talk to that girl, see if she likes you," acting like it was some kind of goof. Turns out that she did like me. She accepted everything about me, and I accepted everything about her, even her flaws and vice versa.

She was everything that I had.

Was.

You know what?  
Screw the festival.

Screw the Literature Club.  
I just lost my best friend.

I know that I cannot change anything about it, but this pain will take forever to heal.

All that I want to do is lay down here in this room with her for eternity.

I will not abandon Sayori again.


	2. Stage 2: Anger

Despite the unhinged contempt that I felt for what I saw yesterday, I still came to school on Monday. Each hour, every minute, scraped by like nails on a chalkboard. I stayed quiet, not listening to any lectures or instructions for assignments.  
After lunch came seventh period, where we had a pop quiz in algebra.  
Every question made little sense. I formerly understood every concept that this class taught me, but in the moment, all I saw was numbers and letters with lines between them.  
I started to grip at my hair.  
"Five more minutes," the Teacher reminded.  
Did it go by that quickly?  
I was still on question one, asking myself why I can't make it through.  
My hand started to shake as it held my pen.  
It started tapping on the page, rapidly increasing as I gritted my teeth, my stress building up under my lack of knowledge and the time crunch.  
"Anon?"  
I looked up. My teacher was bent over in front of my desk, worryingly staring at me along with all the other students, turned in their desks.  
One of the desks was empty.  
"Is everything okay?"  
I lied, "yes..."  
"Are you sure? I can send you to the nurse if you want."  
"I'm fi-"  
I was cut off by the sound of the bell ringing. It was time for me to go to the literature club.  
Without a thought, I left my desk and exited the classroom.  
I can get by with just one zero on my grade.  
I made my way to the literature club classroom and opened the door.  
Nobody else was there. I sat down, assuming that showing up early was easier than confronting them later on.  
I got out my sketchbook and began to draw a flower.  
Without visually noticing, Natsuki came in, followed by Yuri.  
I didn't see them, but I could tell by the sound of their footsteps that they felt nervous while coming in. They moved forwards, backwards, whispered to each other, then sat down, Natsuki taking a front row seat while Yuri sat right next to me.  
As minor as I felt their presence, it affected my sketching. The perspective was a little wonky.  
"What do you want?"  
I didn't mean to sound bitter, but I hadn't talked all day.  
"I.. uhh..."  
God dammit, stop stuttering and form a clear sentence around me for gods sake.  
"I wanted to see if we could read together again.."  
"Oh, I already finished the book."  
I had nothing else to do yesterday.  
Without moving my head from the view of my drawing, I fished the book out of my backpack and held to up to my right, where I knew Yuri was sitting.  
I knew that she felt defeated as I felt the novel escape my loose grip.  
The rest of the class was quiet. It's as if everyone knew what I saw.  
I looked up and saw Monika at the teacher's desk, as per usual.  
Closing my sketchbook, I walked up to her. She looked up at me with worried eyes.  
"I'm going home. I don't feel well."  
After heading for the door and touching the knob, I felt a hand grip my wrist.  
"Wait..."  
"I said."  
I pulled my hand away.  
As I looked over my shoulder, Monika held a piece of paper towards me, folded up in her hand.  
She and the other girls were mellowly looking directly at me, full eye contact.  
"I'm going home."  
I took the note from her and left, exiting the building and slowly walking down the street to my house. I felt nothing from that meeting. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to stay at the literature club anymore.  
Without thought, I was in front of my bed. I laid down for the rest of the evening, still in my school uniform. Even after I drifted off and woke up multiple times, I refused to move.  
I didn't open the note.  
It's clear what it was about before I even read it, just some elaborate apology or condolences over Sayori. I didn't need those kind of meaningless words.  
What was there to apologize for?  
I didn't care anymore.  
No, I don't care anymore.  
I feel like I don't even want to live anymore.


	3. Stage 3: Bargaining

You know what they say, Same shit, different day.

I felt slightly better, and by slightly better, I mean less depressed. Though, half of the student body would ironically say the same sort of thing, so whatever.  
I sent Yuri and Natsuki a text during first period.  
"I'm going to skip the literature club today."  
There was no reply from either, but they both read it.  
Perhaps just avoiding the club for one day would help stave my mind off of Sayori.  
It mostly didn't, go figure, but I needed some way to occupy myself after school. The thought lingered throughout the day before dismissal, and I settled on practicing in the band room.  
I was in the school's jazz band class since freshman year, but hadn't really mentioned it to anybody outside of the class.  
After leaving seventh period, I sat in the main lobby. I remember Monika mentioning that she practices piano before heading to the club, so I didn't wanna ruin her mood by bumping into her and explaining that I'm pretty much ditching.  
After about 45 minutes, I made my way to the band room. As I placed my hand on the door, I took notice of the music coming from inside. It was coming from a single piano.  
Dammit, I was sure that the literature club would've started by now.  
I peered through the small window in the door. Surely enough, I saw Monika, playing on the grand piano that was in the corner of the band room. What peaked my interest more was the fact that she was singing along with the music.  
Damn, on top of debate club, literature club, and student council, this girl is good at everything.  
It didn't sound like any song that I've ever heard of, maybe she wrote it herself?  
Maybe I should just go to the literature club. I don't want to put a damper on Monika's mood, especially while she's this happy while playing her music.  
Maybe I should get over myself.  
Maybe I should forget about Sa-  
As I got lost in the music, it abruptly stopped.  
Did Monika stop playing?  
Well, if she was done, then I'm safe of enter. It'll be quick. I'll just tell her that I haven't written a poem today. Or that I have a playing test due tonight. Yeah, a playing test. That's a good enough excuse.  
Well, here goes nothing.  
I opened the door and walked to the drum set, shuffling my feet. It was on the opposite wall of the piano, so maybe Monika won't even notic-  
"Anon?"  
Shit.  
"What are you doing here?"  
I noticed that we are the only ones in the band room. And she was still sitting in front of the piano, not packing up her stuff.  
"Oh, hi Monika," I struggled, "I'm just here to, uh-"  
"Did you come to pick me up and bring me to the club? That's so sweet of you~"  
"Did I What?" I replied, slightly embarrassed.  
She took notice of how I was blushing.  
"Ahaha~I'm just joking."  
I never really interpreted Monika as someone know makes jokes, even just simple ones like that.  
W̶a̶i̶t̶ ̶a̶ ̶m̶i̶n̶u̶t̶e̶,̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶s̶h̶e̶ ̶f̶l̶i̶r̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶m̶e̶?̶  
"So, What brings you here Anon? Yuri and Natsuki told me that you weren't feeling well."  
"Well, I never said I was sick. Ahehe.. I just came here to practice drums."  
What was my reason again?  
"A playing test! Yeah I have a playing test that I have to submit tonight. It's super important"  
Way to go me, you're a terrible liar.  
Monika smiled at me, and it wasn't a typical Monika smile. It looked kinda reassuring.  
"Alright~ I'm fine with you coming here. Everyone needs a day off right?"  
"Hehe.. yeah."  
Why the hell was I feeling so nervous all of a sudden? I've talked to Monika before, let alone everyone else in the club.  
Without continuing the conversation, I waltzed over to the drum set.  
I felt kinda puzzled as to why Monika didn't bring up Sayori, acting as if it's a normal day.  
Wait, why am I even wondering this? It's like I'm trying to elicit sympathy from everyone around me without even saying anything. I suppose that just a casual conversation like that was all I needed to calm my nerves.  
I fished my drum sticks out of my bag while sitting in the chair, with my phone in my lap and my foot on the pedal.  
I looked over at Monika, and her hands were gracefully moving along the keys, playing a different song than the one I heard before entering.  
That's a shame, I really wanted to hear more of what she was working on.  
So I guess she's sticking around the band room all night. I almost asked her about Yuri and Natsuki, but then I remembered a general student-made rule about clubs. If the president doesn't show up for half an hour, then the other members can go home.  
I sighed with drumsticks in hand, thinking of what song to play along with.  
Maybe I'll pick something from an anime. What about Gundam Thunderbolt?  
Yeah, that's a good one, it has plenty of jazz in it and any of the tracks could cover my playing test fib.  
I plugged in my earbuds and picked a track to play along with.  
I decided to make sure of something real quick.  
"Hey, do you mind if I play something else?"  
"Of course, it won't distract me."  
Glad that's cleared up. I pressed play, preparing to move my sticks with the drums in the song. I tapped the cymbal, then rolled. The tense grip in my hands loosened as I hit each part of the drums, drowning out the sound of Monika's playing with my own, coupled with the guide of the music from the phone.  
I could feel my movements progress and follow naturally, in sync with almost every part of the song with only a few errors.  
I hadn't touched my phone, but I heard the track get louder.  
I looked up from the drumset at Monika again, and she was still playing, but her melody was almost an exact match of what I was hearing on the phone. She looked back at me and winked.  
Were we having a duet?  
This went on for only a few minutes, yet it felt much longer.  
Just then, the song cut off. Turns out that my phone battery died. I guess that's what happens when I use it all day.  
"Dammit!"  
I stopped playing, and Monika followed suit, but not before completing the phrase that she was in the middle of.  
"How did you? -"  
"Oh, you were playing Groovy Duel, right? Sorry, I just happen to know it, so I thought it would be appropriate to play along, Ahaha~"  
I guess she was right to play along, after all, it was a written duet piece between drums and piano.  
I slightly chuckled with her.  
Wait, Monika watches Gundam?  
Wait, Monika watches anime?!

After that pleasant duet, the rest of practice was relatively normal, with the two of us playing different pieces, neither of us saying anything else. I quickly went home within the hour, completed my homework, and went to bed early. I guess playing music did help with my sadness over Sayori, but it left me curious about Monika. Never did I really talk to her, even in the past week.  
That was maybe the only day that I spent a decent amount of time with her.  
What am I saying?  
This isn't some kind of romantic thing. I'm just trying to find the closest woman I can't to replace Sayori as my best friend. Monika is out of my league. She doesn't deserve someone like me. Look what happened the last time I tried to secure a girlfriend.  
I need to go to sleep.


End file.
